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How to Be an Emotionally Intelligent Partner
Lessons from John Gottmann and 12 Years of Marriage
During my first month of marriage, twelve years ago now, I came home from work and sat down on the couch with the TV remote in hand, thinking my day was done.
I was happy to perform some handyman task if asked, but I certainly didn’t jump up to fold laundry when my wife put the basket in front of me. If she wanted me to go grocery shopping with her, I went with little patience and some confusion: “I know I should go because she asked, but she can’t expect me to tolerate this longer than half an hour, right?”
Worst of all, I was mostly uninterested in conversation. Though we talked all the time while dating, I assumed a detached role once married. I preferred to zone out after a long workday and felt little need to interact since we shared the same roof during all of our free time.
The reality check came when my wife told me in the midst of a heart-to-heart, “We’re not friends anymore.” I realized my role would have to change if I wanted to provide my bride with the happy, fulfilled relationship we had always wanted.
I realized I had to renew our friendship.
