The Malcolm Gladwell Problem

A Satirical Skewering

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The following satire is written in the voice of Malcolm Gladwell, author of numerous bestselling books, frequent New Yorker contributor, and host of the Revisionist History podcast. I’m not jealous, why do you ask?

There is a new breed of maniacs out there, everywhere and nowhere, hiding in plain sight, celebrated (!) even though they subtract far more from society than they add. I’ve written about CEOs who golf too much, a WWII Air Force general most people can’t name, The Little Mermaid, and laundry. But you won’t believe these people.

These sociopaths slaughter your most precious resource, the one commodity you can’t manufacture, mine, or find, because no one’s making more of it, and once it’s used, it can never be unused.

Your time. Short of murdering you or your family, they can’t take from you … Anything. More. Precious.

What motivates them? Do they steal your time for sheer joy? Are they chrono-kleptomaniacs who can’t help themselves? Nope. It’s the ad revenue, stupid.

And I’m among the worst offenders.

Photo by Jeroen den Otter on Unsplash