Why Gen Z Men Are Flocking to Church
How Grievance Culture, Gender Anxiety, and TheoBros Are Shaping Young Male Faith
Gen Z is the first modern generation of Americans in which men appear to be more religious than women.
But don’t celebrate yet.
The reasons for the religious gender gap’s reversal point toward a worrying future for American Christianity and society in general — unless middle-aged men head it off now.
Forty-something men like me grew up during a cultural moment in which Christians, politicians, and journalists fretted about the question, “What does it mean to be a man?” We worried along with them in our late teens and early 20s. Then we had to figure it out more or less on our own, since no one gave an answer beyond “strong and tough.” It almost seemed like keeping the existential question alive was the point.
Evidently, today’s male-centric influencers don’t just keep the question of manhood alive to make money; they also offer more concrete answers. According to an analysis from sociologists Paul Djupe and Brooklyn Walker, Gen Z men are more likely than Gen Z women to:
- support Christian Nationalism;
- espouse Apocalypticism;
- be familiar with ideas such as repealing women’s right to vote; and
- view themselves as victims of modern culture.
And if young men view themselves as victims, Djupe and Walker found, then they are also more likely to identify as Evangelical. The Evangelical tradition, of course, centers a male-dominated gender heirarchy in its theology, churches, and families.
In short, Gen Z men are coming to churches and small groups that nurse their anxieties about being male in the 21st century and promise them top spot in the social hierarchy.
I grew up wondering “how to be a man,” due in no small part to all the cultural handwringing around the question and the lack of a clear answer. Now that I’m 40, I can offer a clear and different answer to Gen Z men than what they’re hearing — an answer that affirms and empowers men without relying on grievance, hierarchy, and misogyny to do so.
The Grievance Rhetoric Aimed at Gen Z Men
Many Gen Z men seem to be drawn to churches that nurture their sense of grievance, their disenchantment with society, and their victimhood. Then these churches tell them how great they really are and promise a return to rigid, traditional gender hierarchies that benefit them.
If that sounds alarmist, consider Djupe and Walker’s data.
Gen Z men are more likely than Gen Z women to express Christian Nationalist views and espouse Apocalyptic ideas. These gender gaps disappears among older groups, as shown in the graphs below. The yellow dotted line represents men. The solid black line shows women. Men between the ages of 20 and 40 emerge in this data as distinctly religious compared to both their female peers and people aged 45-plus.
Gen Z men are more religious than their female peers, but what does “religious” mean in this context?
It means a healthy dose of Christian Nationalism and a fair amount of misogyny. Djupe and Walker asked survey respondents if they had heard someone advocate repealing the 19th Amendment, which granted women the right to vote. Young Christian men were the most likely to say “yes,” as shown below.
Clearly, young Christian men receive more exposure to both “traditional” and misogynistic ideas about gender roles than other groups. Why?
The “TheoBros” — Evangelical leaders very active online — promote “traditional” gender norms and expectations on TikTok, YouTube, social media, podcasts, and so on. Some advocate radical ideas like repealing the 19th Amendment. Worse still, such rhetoric may be an entry-point into the “manosphere,” a sprawling online universe of misogynistic content.
Many pastors and politicians describe masculinity as “under attack” from a “feminized culture.” In their rhetoric, men are victims for simply being the competitive, aggressive, tough guys God made them to be. Their solution? A return to past gender roles and expectations, facilitated if necessary by governmental policy.
Such rhetoric tells men three things:
- You are the victims of a feminized culture.
- Whatever your struggles might be, it is not your fault.
- A rigid gender hierarchy will solve your problems.
- Our church (or political party) just happens to have a rigid gender hierarchy!
Why Grievance Rhetoric Draws Young Men to Churches
Like all good lies, there is some kernel of truth to the idea of male victimhood. Men face unique challenges in our modern economy. There are more opportunities for “knowledge work,” and it usually yields far greater rewards than physical labor. Naturally, society pivoted toward valuing the characteristics and skills necessary for success in the “knowledge economy”— advanced education or training, collaboration, cooperation, communication, creativity, analysis, innovation.
Very seldom today can a young man graduate high school, get a factory job, work forty years for generous pay, and retire with a full pension. Those who get factory jobs must worry about automation and off-shoring. Yes, society needs welders, plumbers, carpenters, and more, but most trades now require some technical training, may demand frequent travel, and likely lack benefits. You’re on your own, kid.
College remains an excellent investment, but the skills of education — sitting still, following instructions, listening to lectures, reading books, writing papers, doing math, organizing tasks, managing deadlines — can feel alienating and out of reach for many young men. Plus, it costs a small fortune. No wonder some Gen Z men feel disenchanted.
But instead of urging young men to meet the challenge, everyone from Wild at Heart author John Eldredge to TheoBro-adjacent Wayne Grudem told men that they should just be as “masculine” as possible because God wants tough, strong men to be in charge. The inevitable failure to turn back social progress and the predictable counter-arguments about toxic masculinity sometimes looked like attacks on masculinity in general.
Playing on young men’s perceived victimhood attracts a large following on social media and in the pews. Djupe and Walker explored the connection between one’s sense of victimhood and one’s religiosity:
We asked our respondents a series of questions about their sense of victimhood (following Armaly and Ender). For example, items in the scale ask, “The system works against people like me” and “I rarely get what I deserve in life.”
What did Djupe and Walker find?
The relationship between perceived victimhood and Evangelical identification was strongest among 19-year-old men (see below).
Grievance rhetoric plays on young men’s legitimate frustrations, absolves them of responsibility for either their problems or their growth, and draws them to communities that espouse rigid gender heirarchies.
A Better Answer to the Question
Western society doesn’t have rites of initiation for boys, ceremonies that definitively mark a boy’s transition into manhood. So, young men in the West find ourselves wondering, “Am I a man now? How about now?”
Pastors, politicians, journalists, and now influencers urge young men to be tough, strong, and aggressive in service of gaining dominance. Because “male headship,” or dominance, is God-ordained, the natural order, the solution to everything ailing men in modern society. In this view, you know you’re a man when you dominate others and get your way.
At 40, I don’t claim to have masculinity figured out. I certainly fail to live up to my values and ideals more often than I care to admit.
With those caveats, here are five ways to be a tough, strong, aggressive man in the 21st century that don’t require dominance. In fact, they require putting others ahead of yourself.
1. Be tough — in all the ways.
Want to prove your toughness? Never, ever stop trying to be a better person. Hear your loved ones when they tell you how you’ve hurt them. Apologize. Admit when you were wrong. Don’t shrug; change. Face your faults, ask for help, and do better.
Listen even when you feel that someone is disrespecting you, unfairly attacking your character, gaslighting or condemning you. Speak up for yourself but don’t retaliate in kind.
Toughness is not uniquely masculine, but striving to be tough can give men a boost when they feel like giving up. As Maya Angelou said:
We may suffer many defeats. But we must never be defeated.
So many times, I’ve wanted to declare defeat. But I want to be too tough to be defeated.
Don’t give up on your marriage even when it seems hopeless (huge caveat for abusive relationships). Don’t write off your child. Don’t enable your partner or child’s self-destructive behaviors. Support your spouse emotionally after she loses her job. Stick by your loved one’s side through cancer. Remain joyful despite all of life’s stresses and suffering.
Sometimes, you must ignore your pain or exhaustion and get the job done. But physical toughness is nothing compared to the mental and emotional toughness I’ve had to develop. Honestly, I’m still building it!
2. Be strong — the greatest strength is restraint.
Our movies and TV shows are filled with men who furrow their brows, lower their voices, and describe to their opponents the terrible consequences of crossing them. If the opponent doesn’t listen, then our hero will overpower him eventually. It’s a powerful fantasy of imposing one’s will upon the world and righting all the wrongs.
In reality, it is easier to resort to brute force than to show restraint. It’s easier to retort to someone’s unnecessary comment than to shrug it off. It’s easier to get in someone’s face, to yell and scream, to push and shove, even to throw a punch, than to figure out how to turn an enemy into a friend. It’s easier to drop bombs and send in the infantry than to redress the systemic injustices or geopolitical realities that cause conflicts.
The true test of a man’s strength is knowing he could exert physical or verbal force to get his way in the short-term but instead choosing more respectful means that sustain relationships in the long-term.
I’m pretty good at restraining my will … until I’m not. I try to discuss, explain, and persuade, but the longer a disagreement goes, and the more personal it becomes, the more I struggle to contain the energy building inside. Too often, it erupts. But remember — men don’t give up trying to be better people. I’m seeking the strength to let conversations die when they morph into arguments.
3. Be aggressive in your integrity.
Integrity means doing the right thing even when no one’s watching or when there isn’t an obvious reward. Men should be aggressive in doing the right thing. They shouldn’t need to be watched, coerced, or cajoled into moral, ethical behavior.
Say you could get away with adultery? Or with embezzling funds at work? Or with taking credit for someone else’s great idea? You could rationalize any of these actions as an irrestible temptation. You could reassure yourself that it was a “one-time thing” or a “white lie.”
But men should aggressively defend their integrity, because integrity contributes to one’s identity as a good person. Viewing yourself as a good person increases the desire to behave rightly. Ethical behavior is its own reward, but it also helps others to trust you.
4. Be brave in your confidence and your humility.
As I wrote above, I struggle to let arguments die. I especially struggle when I feel personally attacked. I don’t want the person to think ill of me.
In other words, I lack the self-confidence to let someone else say or think ill of me without believing it a little myself. Don’t be like me! Be brave in your self-confidence. Have the courage to hear negative things about your character or actions without crumbling inside. Be bold enough to hold fast to who you know yourself to be, warts and all. Dare to give yourself the compassion that you would give a friend with the same shortcomings.
Be brave enough to humbly admit when you are wrong. Acknowledge where your character needs work, how your actions should change. State the obvious: you’re not perfect! Ask for feedback. Ask for help. Change your approach to a situation when it’s not working.
When someone else does something well or comes up with a great idea, give credit where it is due. Be humble enough to lift others up in their success, knowing that their success does not diminish or prevent your own. Mature men realize that life, outside of sports, is not zero-sum.
5. Above all else, love.
To paraphrase the Apostle Paul, modern men can be tough, strong, aggressive, and competitive, but none of it means anything without love.
I like the following definition of love: acting to bring about overall well-being and flourishing. Men should always try to bring about the well-being and flourishing of those around them.
And to do so, men need the mental and emotional toughness to weather rough patches in our marriages, relationships with children, work situations, or health. We need the strength to choose restraint and persuasion over force and coercion, putting people ahead of outcomes, seeking “win-win” compromises, and turning enemies into friends. We should aggressively seek to do justice and nurture the courage to believe in ourselves, to humbly admit mistakes, and to celebrate the success of others. And when we fail, we get back up.
That’s how we bring about the well-being and flourishing of our families, our friends, our communities, and our countries.
That’s how we become men.
Check out my newsletter, Saving Faith, where we rebuild a faith that works one 2-minute read at a time.
